And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
