3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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