i love accidental penises.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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