Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
