Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
