Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
