1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize