Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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