I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
