just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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