Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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