and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
