Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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