i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
