PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
