we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
