I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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