Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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