i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
