you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this beer tastes like vomit already
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
