ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this just has baby written all over it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
