I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize