Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
