I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
