my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize