i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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