When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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