i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
