i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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