What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
