Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
