we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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