keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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