If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
