On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
