new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
