Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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