I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
did i just pee glitter
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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