so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
