Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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