I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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