He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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