I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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