If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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