All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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