No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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