see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
