I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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