i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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