That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
