I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
