The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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