im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
