I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
