I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
