He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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