Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
