the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize