i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
