The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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