I can't watch pbs sober anymore
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
