Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize