I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
