Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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