I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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