I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
