She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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