I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
