I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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