dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
