I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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