You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They have beer where we have blood.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
