I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
